I’ve noticed some things about device and OS use from 25+ years in the technology field so let me paint with some broad and general strokes here and get divisive (because why not?). So if I touch a nerve and you find yourself in a sector you don’t think you should be in, well… that’s your own fault. Just kidding… Simmer down. Broad and general… so keep that in mind.
Back before the scamdemic, you could really see this in a Starbucks but now, you kind of have to look for where people congregate with their devices. It’s getting harder and harder to find people getting together IRL but it can be done.
Without further ado. Let’s get into it.
Mac OS and iOS
Once upon a time Mac OS users were the snobby creators that would shell out several thousand dollars on a MacBook or iMac or whatever else in the Apple lineup that was used to torture the English language.
That Apple insignia was the mark of unmitigated snobbery. For this wasn’t a Windows user, a common pleb, a small folk device. This was a device of standing, of class, of prestige… (Of wasting money, of being a douche, and of submitting to the minority of left handed elitists that took to this awful left handed UI - Jobs was left handed so that is most likely why the UI was made for the lefties).
You would go into a Starbucks and chances were good that you would see a majority of fruit users tapping away with ear buds in their ears while they sipped on their double shot and creamed coffee. The majority of these users would be female or male homosexuals. I told you, we’re going to get divisive here. I warned you. No turning back now.
Strangely enough… The majority of Apple Watch users are women or male homosexuals. (Yeah, I ruffled some feathers with that one but if you are paying attention, you will see this is true and it’s not a stereotype if it is true).
Then you have the Apple tech and/or business enthusiasts (usually straight males dressed well) where Mac OS is a step down for them. They have to be using an iPad with a keyboard to clickity clackity away on because these motherfuckers are super douche. They bought into that whole “post PC/Laptop hype” when tablets came out and then they never went back when the hype finally died. These are also the nitwits that show up to conduct interviews in Starbucks. They set their iPad up with the keyboard and make sure their brand new iPhone is sitting right next to it. They think it’s a show of power to intimidate the interviewee when in reality it screams PURE DOUCHE!!!
Windows
The majority of people are running Windows because their parents ran Windows and when they go to work they are using Windows, and gaming is predominately Windows, so Windows is the default go-to OS for them.
In the Starbucks you may see a couple Surface products but mostly it will be a shitty HP (All HP’s are shitty and this is not up for discussion or debate - when one has to email the entire HP board of directors in order for them to fix a heating issue made by their shitty laptop designs, compassion for that shitty company is void). Maybe a Dell here and there but… Unfortunately HP has successfully sold their shit to a lot of people in the general public.
Just because the Windows users are easy to grift on does not make them a bunch of elitist douches. No sirree. These are the working men and women that make the gears of society move. The cogs in the wheels of the Corpo slavery engine. These are the people that fall for that bullshit line from Microsoft about how WinXX is made to be “PRODUCTIVE” and get things done. Because you can not be on a laptop or the internet for the fun of it. YOU must be PRODUCTIVE. You must also have Office or… Wait… I think they call Office or Windows 365 now. Some bullshit branding to subliminally let you know that you are a cog 24/7/365 for the Corpo overlords.
And Microsoft is pulling mass telemetry from your devices even after you turn off all of the reporting toggles you are allowed to turn off. THEY must make sure you are going to keep being PRODUCTIVE!!!
PRODUCTIVITY is Life and Life is to serve the Corpo.
ChromeOS
Slaves to Google.
These people thought they could get away from Microsoft without having to become elitists fruit douches and they wound up being slaves to the advertising machine. EVERYTHING they use comes from the unholy Google servers that they conduct their surfing through. I should know… I championed this bullshit from the very first Chromebook. That was back when Google’s mission statement was “Do No Evil”. That mission statement was scrubbed off their walls and, as we all know, Google has become a core EVIL Corpo in this world.
If you want to sell your profile, your location, your every waking moment (and sleeping moments too), hell… your soul… Then Google will happily take it and via a Chromebook, they have access to all of it. You’re not just a cog in the system with ChromeOS, you are the fuel used to feed the advertising monster that is then targeted and set against you. Talk about being double fucked.
The fact that Google snuck this shit into schools across the world is just diabolical. Kids (shadow) profiles tracked from grade school through teenage years and then lit up when they turn of age and are adults. A deluge of tracking just waiting to be set upon these kids that are being stalked (but not really by legal standards) and then those shadow profiles are connected to their adult profiles. Nothing but fodder for the advertisers to manipulate and sell. Hell… Prostitutes are treated better in their industry than a Google user.
Linux
Not many of us (54 Million+ at least). You might see us with a Thinkpad and some stickers on it. Don’t worry if you do, we’re just monitoring all of the traffic in the Starbucks and grabbing your passwords and seeing what is out there for us to see. Totally harmless… until it’s not. But hey… It’s cool.
These are the free people. Not beholden to any Corpo. No telemetry tracking them and being sent back to the overlords. These are the people that hate the Corpo’s, value privacy, and tend to write super snarky articles like this one to divide the people using the OS’s from above. Suckers!!!
If you’ve gotten this far then you have to realize that this was not only a lesson in OS’s and society itself but expert fucking trolling to the Nth degree. Surely I get some credit for that…
This had me laughing beginning to end then again after I replayed it and will always whenever I need a good laugh. This, in my estimation, is what Substack is for - brilliant writing, even if it is a giant troll piece. You cleared the bases with this towering hit. Bravo!
😂🤪😂. this is great! i was a mamma & dogpile user. i despised & refused to use google as long as i could. i read about it & knew what it was...the info i looked for wasnt predictive or whatever term they used. i watched as i was locked out of more & more, the internet shrunk to nothing & became a drag. (told my age 🤫). i have long thot about linux, since the beginning, but have wondered about investing the time to learn it. i have a new acer i dont even want to open let alone use simply becoz it requires me to sign into an acct & the 5 yr old 1 with a cracked screen doesnt. im walkin away more & more from all of it.